#WhyIStayed and #WhyILeft

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I'm only partially departing from the September theme of Intuition today because the two hashtags #WhyIStayed and #WhyILeft have gone viral. In the wake of the NFL player who punched his wife unconscious in an elevator, abused women and men have come out full-force to help others understand why it is so hard for us to leave, what keeps us there, and how public perception needs to change.

I've added a new section to my Personal page, explaining #WhyIStayed and also #WhyILeft. Click here to go there and read it.

What kept me safe for such a long time in an abusive relationship was my intuition. I knew how to deal with him, how to survive each fight, I knew exactly what kind of evening it was going to be when he walked in the door from work. Any survivor of an abusive relationship will tell you what a certain lift of an eyebrow can mean, what's about to arrive just by listening to the rhythm of steps in the hall, and how we just know.

When I left, I just knew it wasn't going to get any better. Ever.

I knew I was stuck between a rock (staying) and a hard place (leaving) and I was only leaving because I knew I couldn't stay. The dangers of leaving had been made clear to me--leaving an abusive relationship is and remains the most dangerous time. So I knew I had to do everything in my power to get out and to keep myself safe, no matter what.

It was in my weakest moment, the most terrifying time of my life that I had to make the strongest, most courageous decision I will ever make.

In the week I was packing up, I had many thoughts about the people I was leaving behind--people I'd known for up to 7 years. I thought of how he had grown into a younger version of his dad--down to the exact age he was when he decided he wanted a Porsche. (?!?!?!) I took a hard look at his mom, whom I loved dearly. She was nice. So nice. But that was all she could be--given the relationship she was in, she couldn't be anything more than that--not the intelligent, interesting & interested person she truly is. She could only be what her husband allowed her to be. And there was no way in hell I was going to let that be my life.

I looked at his friends and I remembered what my advocate had said--his friends were his friends, not mine, and their loyalties lie with him. Over the next weeks I saw them for who they truly are:  two-faced, back-stabbing opportunists. Petty and jealous of one another, always engaged in some kind of drama. As their behaviors became clear to me, the little, confusing moments of the past years became understandable.

To be very clear:  it took weeks just to get out, 2 1/2 years to get divorced, 3 1/2 before it was all over, 6 years to feel some kind of peace begin to take residence in my life. When I left I had no idea what was going to happen to me, nor did I have any clue what kind of fresh hell he would heap onto my life for years to come.

I was powerless in the relationship, powerless to leave until I told my parents and they helped me, and I was powerless after I left because I had no money to make things happen.

Going from powerless and knowing where he is to powerless and not knowing where he was didn't seem like a good deal--but it was the only decision I could make to even try to keep myself safe.

No one asked, "Why did he do that to you?" They asked how I had stuck it out for so long. As if I had had so many other, awesome choices.

We must place blame where blame is due--on the abuser. And nowhere else.

September Theme: Intuition in Music

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Open Intervals is now returning to its usual schedule of Thursday postings (with an extra post occasionally). We're also gong with a special theme this month, so in September you'll find new insights into intuition in musicmystery-box-hi. Musicians are frequently very sensitive people--how else can we possibly create such beautiful, human, emotional performances?! And how is it that musicians understand body language so much more than others? That's all part of our intuition--our sensitivity as musicians.

Every person, musician or not, has special qualities no one else has--and these are frequently expressed through our gut feelings, our unique creative voices.

Gut instinct = intuition.

A gut feeling is a gift meant to be unpacked.

To help you unpack that gift, you'll learn about using your intuition, your gut instinct, your unique sensitivity, to your benefit. You'll also learn about:

*  2 not-so-esoteric actions:  grounding and shielding

*  a famous pianist who has a special, sensitive connection

*  and how you can allow your intuition to fuel your art.

We live in a very logical world which frequently calculates out to a zero-sum game. Music is, however, neither completely logical, nor is it ever a zero-sum game. Sometimes we have to allow our own perceptions to change to beat this one-plus-one-equals-two mentality.

By the end of September, you'll add a few more intuitive tools to your toolbox and hopefully be a happier, more content artist as a result.

Each article in this series will have "Intuition" in the title. To find any of these articles, you can search for "Intuition" in the search bar waaaay up at the top of the page or you can click on the tag "Intuition" in the tag cloud on the right.

See you tomorrow (Thursday!) for the first installment!

SCAM WARNING: Voice Teachers Beware of "Mrs Anna Bells"

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exclamation-mark-red-mdYesterday I received this email from "Mrs Anna Bells," claiming that she's searching for a voice teacher for her son. It also came through in a Facebook group for private voice instructors, AND I received another, almost identical, in response to an ad I ran for German lessons, so apparently they are targeting teachers.

Remember to exercise caution on the internet.

Here's the text of the scam email:



       I'm Mrs anna Bells from Paris,France.during my search for a   voice   lesson teacher that would always take my son ( Chris is very good speak English ) and I found you..Your advert looks great and it is very okay to me since you specialize in the area i am seeking for him... My Son would be coming to US (your city) by next week for a period of time and with his friend for 2 Months.he is just a beginner and he is 16 years old, i want you to help me teach lesson during his stay. So, kindly let me know your charges cost per week's ,in order for me to arrange for his payment before he travels down to your side. I have also made preparation for his personal equipment he will be using privately at home after the lesson during his stay.

Please Advise back on;

(1). your charges per 1 hour twice a week for 2 Months?

(2).The Day and time you will be available to teach him During the week?

(3).Tuition address?

I will be looking forward to read from you soonest.

Best Regards,

Mrs Anna Bells"


UPDATE:  I just checked my website stats and this came from Nigeria. Can't even feign surprise.

3 Questions for Composer Olli Kortekangas

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On August 3, 2014 I'll be singing at Central Lutheran Church in Minneapolis and it will be the World Premiere of "Kaksi vanhaa suomalaista virttä - Two Old Finnish Hymns" by Finnish composer Olli Kortekangas.

This is pretty exciting...well, actually it's thrilling!Composer Olli Kortekangas

I'm happy to introduce you to him! Here are 3 questions for Olli Kortekangas.


1. Who are you, Olli Kortekangas?

I'm 59 years old, and I've been writing music seriously since I was a teenager. I studied at the Sibelius Academy in Helsinki under the guidance of Einojuhani Rautavaare, and later in (West) Berlin where my teacher was Dieter Schnebel. I taught at the Sibelius Academy and elsewhere for about 20 years myself, but since 2002 I've been a freelance composer, giving a master class or a workshop now and then. I'm particularly interested in the "common territory" of composing and music education, and have participated in or led numerous creative music projects with children, youth and amateur musicians in Finland and abroad.

A couple of years ago, my colleagues and I launched the "Finnish variation" of the New York Philharmonic Orchestra's "Very Young Composers" program.


2. What music have you written?

I've written about 130 works so far for a wide variety of line-ups from solo pieces and chamber music to orchestral works and operas. I'm fascinated by (or maybe obsessed with...) the interaction between words and music - writing for the voice (songs, choral music, operas) is said to be my forte which is probably true. I've written seven operas, and choral works form a major part of my output.

My latest works include Seven Songs for Planet Earth, commissioned by the Choral Arts Society of Washington and the Tampere Philharmonic Orchestra (Finland), and Migrations, a cantata to poems by the brilliant Duluth-based poet Sheila Packa, commissioned by the Minnesota Orchestra in commemoration of the 150th anniversary of Finnish immigration to North America. Migrations is scheduled for performance during the 2015-16 season.


3. What can you tell us about "Kaksi vanhaa suomalaista virttä - Two Old Finnish Hymns"?

The Two Old Finnish Hymns are based on our so-called "Old Hymn Book" of 1701 which was used in Finland for nearly two centuries. I love this book and its hymns which are really powerful - archaic for sure, and sometimes not so easily perceived, also because of the language and its often outdated and shortened words. I've used these melodies and texts in several of my works.

The melody of the second hymn, Herra siunaa meit' ja auta (which is a variation of the classical Benediction - "Lord, bless us and help us") is very special: it is a traditional variant of the original melody, sung to me in 2000 by Mr. Arvi Ruuttunen (who was a farmer and a folk singer, and as it happens, the father of Mr. Esa Ruuttunen, a good friend of mine, who is both a Lutheran pastor and one of the most distinguished Finnish bass-baritones). I knew the text but I had never heard this melody. I think this is an interesting story!


Learn more at Olli's website at ollikortekangas.com and we'll see you in Minneapolis on August 3!

Featured in WE Magazine for Women

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WE Magazine, "Inspiring Women in Business and in Life"

WE Magazine, an online magazine for women, featured me back in April of this year. Their section "Women on the Move" features women under 35 who have their own businesses, are creating a name for themselves, and are role models for other women.

There are loads of free audio programs, resources, and articles for any woman entrepreneur, especially those of you who are spiritually minded.

Read the article about me in "Women on the Move" here, and check out the site and the dozens of free resources.



Talking about Domestic Violence on the Kathleen Dunn Show - WPR

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Last week I was honored to be a guest on the Kathleen Dunn Show on Wisconsin Public Radio (oh, a happy Sconnie am I!)  for Domestic Violence Awareness Month.

Carmen Pitre, Director of the Sojourner Family Peace Center in Milwaukee, WI, was Ms Dunn's guest on the show for the same hour. The Sojourner Family Peace Center is a 42+ bed shelter in Milwaukee with confidential support groups. They've even developed a Healthy Relationship Test, which you can read here. Carmen was so forthright, so calm, and so informative, a true advocate for DV awareness and for change in personal relationships.

We talked about recognizing red flags, awareness of violence in relationships, and I talked about my own personal experience surviving and getting out of a violent relationship. In light of the recent Brookfield, Wisconsin shooting, this conversation is more timely than ever. And based on the calls that came in during that hour, this conversation needs to continue.

Thank you so very much to everyone at WPR that made this happen, it is so important.

CLICK HERE to listen to the broadcast(this link opens directly to the player). If you prefer, you can download the broadcast to listen later by visiting the Kathleen Dunn Audio Archive page and finding the link to the October 24, 2012, 9:00 am show.